Love at 45 R.P.M. (1996)

Summary
Bobby runs a small town record store in upstate New York. When Alberta opens her own record store across the street, the scene is set for some pedestrian and contrived situations at the exact moment audiences expect to see it.

Director
Rico Schmageggie

Cast

 * John Cottonbud (Bobby)
 * Rebecca Rhys-Towels (Alberta)
 * Milo the Walrus (Chompers)
 * Robert Marrone (Distinguished gangster)

Top Trivia

 * Love at 45 R.P.M was a return to film for the then 74 year-old Schmageggie, after the marketing disaster of Concierge, There's A Murder In My Room!! (1977). Despite his long absence there was little to no media buzz surrounding his return, as no one wanted to encourage him.
 * Milo the Walrus had to be euthanized after trying to variously eat and rape members of the cast and crew - however, for the first 3 months of shooting, no one was 100% sure it wasn't John Cottonbud.

Notable Quotes
John: Bowie was right man, Is there Life on Mars? And if there is, can I bone it?

Chompers: Rrrrr-rrrrowf! Hurf hurf hurf!

John: Not without a crowbar and pepper spray, Chompers!

Alberta: I'm a lady.

Critical Reception
Director Schmageggie came under fire again for not being able to give women substance in their roles; nationally respected critic Howard Sachs pointed out the character Alberta would only point at her breasts and say "I'm a lady" throughout the entire film.